He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
