So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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