I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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