when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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