Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
