It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
