That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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