You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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