She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
