So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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