2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
