My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
