Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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