call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
