I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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