i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
