You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
