Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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