Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's blow job season.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
