Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
