During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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