I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
