i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
