Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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