I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
