Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
