I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
