I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
