He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
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I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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