I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
