Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
