If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
