and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
