I'm lost and stupid without you.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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