I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
