how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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