I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
