this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
