Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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