i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
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i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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