My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
