Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
