I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize