i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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