pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize