I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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