I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
