Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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