Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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