I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
