There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
