I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
