Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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