Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
