Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
