sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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