I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
