i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
