I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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