what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
