thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
