We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
