Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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