A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
