i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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